Have you ever heard of Shadow Work and wondered what that meant? Some feel that Shadow is a spooky word. Is it hard to do? Scary? Shame-inducing? Carl Jung calls the parts of us that we repress and deny our Shadow. Richard Schwartz of IFS calls them Exiles. Heavy language, huh?

We all have parts of ourselves that we have tried to get rid of (Exiles). There was a time in our lives, usually childhood, when there was a good reason to do so. As adults, even if cutting off parts of ourselves is no longer useful or necessary, we continue to do so because it still feels like we are living “back then.”

Carl Jung's Shadow has a similar dynamic to Exiles. The shadow contains elements of the self that one deems shameful or bad. These elements can be “negative” things like anger, envy, greed, selfishness, or “positive” things, called the Golden Shadow, like joy, creativity, attractiveness, and a desire for connection. It can be confusing at first to see why positive things would live in the shadows. Positive traits can attract attention and connection. For children in unhealthy family, community, or school environments attention can act as a precursor to abuse and suffering. Contrarily, some communities neglect people who appear to feel neutral or positive, which can also inspire these traits to fall into the shadow.

When we have unowned elements in our shadows, we tend to project those aspects of ourselves onto others, both positive and negative. Melanie Klein, a prominent Object Relations Theorist built upon Freud's work and termed this behavior Projective Identification. It involves projecting one's own unwanted or unowned feelings or qualities onto another person and then identifying with those projected feelings or qualities as if they belong to the other person.

Projective Identification is by and large an unconscious process, totally outside of the awareness of the person doing it. It can almost feel like magic as the person subtly manipulates others to feel and express emotions or qualities that the person is feeling but disowning. If you are receiving Projective Identification you may feel strong feelings in your body, say and do things that do not feel congruent with your modus operandi, and feel angry, confused, or overwhelmed.

If you are enacting Projective Identification you may experience strong reactions to others, repeated patterns in relationships, inconsistencies between thoughts and actions, lack of self-awareness, and feedback from others that they are feeling angry, confused, or overwhelmed by the interaction.

Interestingly, one is more prone to succumbing to the influence of Projective Identification when one has large amounts of unintegrated shadow material. Thus, the antidote to ending patterns of Projective Identification and being swept away by the defense in others is to integrate one’s Shadow Parts.

It can be extremely challenging to discern when projective identification is happening because it is a largely unconscious process. Being aware of it for yourself is helpful. You can become open to the fact that everyone projects and notice places where you project. Reeling projections of shadow material back home to ourselves can be a painful and uncomfortable process at first, but it is ultimately empowering.

When we have unintegrated Shadow Parts, they make themselves known when we have emotional and behavioral reactions to things that seem out of proportion to or out of sync with what is realistically happening. These reactions can feel extreme and overwhelming at times and at other times, merely hasty, inappropriate, or suboptimal.  

What does integration look like? Integration means that we can effectively communicate with the part, are willing to hear what the part has to say, and can access feelings of compassion and gratitude towards what the part is doing.  Furthermore, the part is also aware of us as an adult and a Mindful Witnessing Observer or what Schwartz calls the Self. Integration is not one part, like the Self, absorbing all of the other parts until only one part remains. In fact, no part gets absorbed, though the way it functions may change.

Beginning the integration process can be challenging because there are usually parts in the system that are fearful and distrusting of each other, distrusting of the Adult/Mindful Witnessing Observer, and especially distrusting of the Exiles in the Shadow. Feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, and threat are normal at this stage. Therefore, beginning shadow work can be all of those scary things mentioned in the first paragraph. 

However, through the power of presence, warmth, understanding, bravery, deep listening, and compassion, each part can be transformed into a healthy, effective, present version of itself. People who pursue shadow work are often surprised to see that simply shining the light of their awareness on a part over time is enough to bring peace and belonging to hidden, shunned aspects of themselves. 

Befriending our parts is nothing more than being willing to listen, to be present without demands, being open to understanding the part in a new way, and helping the part recognize that the past is over and that we now live in different circumstances. As brave seekers make their way through the shadows, shining light on long dark corners and obscured passageways, one by one they find that these forgotten hovels contain lost gifts they imagined were somewhere out there rather than right here within. 

One day the work begins to feel like a grand adventure rather than a scary forced migration. Explorers of the inner landscape gear up to dive again into the depths looking for treasure. They feel confident in the skills they’ve acquired and roll with the trials and tribulations of the briny deep of the psyche.

Then, when a big or unexpected reaction occurs, these explorers get curious or even excited to find out which shadow part took over and what gifts can be uncovered after an uncomfortable situation. It becomes easy and natural to offer these unruly parts a seat at the table and a beverage of their choice.

What’s New At The Blog

This was a lighter month for writing as my attention has been on expanding Prosopon Therapy. I have been working with my team to make much needed changes to how I operate. More will be revealed as things come to fruition. The blog may stay a bit lighter for the duration of the year as I have taken on a number of projects in addition to business expansion.

Topics this month center on themes related to suffering and the path to unencumbered living. As a Somatic Therapist I am stuck by how seldom I write about somatic practices. I tend to write more about mind set because words are a good medium to explore this topic. We must also use words to discuss somatic theory and practice so that we know how to do the practices, but one cannot fully convey somatic healing through words. The practice is the teacher. I guide my clients and my students to the teacher within with somatic practices. I discuss knowledge frameworks and wise mindsets with words.

Learning to let go and trust so that the body can be free requires direct experience but it also demands that we work with the organization of the mind. Despite having spent so much time over so many years in somatic study and experientials, I continue to come back to philosophy and right mindset. Whether you identify as a Buddhist, Christian, Stoic, Modern Pagan, or some other orientation, each philosophical path agrees on certain fundamental truths that makes for a good life. Things like existential humility, having reasonable expectations, having a relationship to the unknown, learning to trust in the organicity of things, and giving up your burdens to stay connected to your values, to name a few.

Anyone who is in process on healing trauma knows that reading wisdom and truisms is not enough. We must work with the body and the body’s responses. We must include the parts or subpersonalities. We must practice and test the things we have learned in our lives and in our communities as we wriggle our way to freedom. Even so, philosophy, wisdom, and mindset are a part of the package and something that must be contemplated on the road to spaciousness.

LETTING GO AND THE PATH TO RESILIENCE

FACING THE UNKNOWN

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

HELLO SUFFERING, MY OLD FRIEND

Hopes, Fears, and Salves

There is a time for holding steady and a time to grow. Just when I feel that I have mastered most of the challenges in my life, I am always presented with a new issue, namely that the next challenging is needed or else I risk stagnation and ennui. I currently find myself in period of experimentation and exploration looking for the next mountains to climb.

Hopes:

• That I am accurately following the guidance of my bodymind

• That my dedication to humility will bring me peace and strength

• That I continue to emerge into new realities, living multiple lives in a single existence

Fears:

• That my fear patterns will interrupt the wisdom from within

• That my tendency towards blind spots will obscure my path

• That I will loose the perspectives I have gained through diligent study and practice of surrender

Salves:

• I understand my fear patterns and continue to learn more

• I expect blind spots feels like and work with others to keep them in check

• The body remembers and reminds me when I most need to know